Wanting to not know.

Tomorrow is the day of my HCG..
When the doctor first referred me for it, I really didn't think much of it. I had read it could in some cases assist with fertility as it was thought to "clean out the pipes" a little, but that was all I knew.

Thanks to Dr google, I now know how painful it can be..
And to be honest, I'm really really dreading it..

I'm dreading it for 3 reasons..
Firstly, the hospital is in a really busy part of town and usually Mr Man will drive us there but he has to work. Which means that I get to tackle the craziness by myself, on my dodgy scooter that has a habit of stalling at really inconvenient times.. Oh, and I'm not exactly looking forward to riding to work on the bumpy roads after the test either..

Secondly, well, I'm a bit of a woos when it comes to pain. I've had loads of dye tests before for my heart and my vascular system and my eyes and well, most things, but the idea of someone putting a catheter into my lady bits is just not fun.. I've heard it kind of feels like a really long papsmear - which is great, except I HATE papsmears....

And Thirdly, well I just really hope everything is okay.. I really don't want blocked fallopian tubes.. I've looked into treatments (thanks again Dr Google) and they say it is repairable by operation.. Which I really don't want.. And that afterwards you have a seriously increased risk of ectopic pregnancy.. Oh yay..

I know there is no point worrying about something that is only speculation, but in a way, I just don't want to know.. But I do want to know why we are not pregnant yet. I just don't want to know that there is anything wrong. But if there is nothing wrong, then why are we taking so long? I want to know! But I really just don't want to know..

aha.. The conversations in my head are entertaining even for me..