So yesterday (CD28 12 or 14DPO) I mentioned to Mr Man that I was either 1 day or 3 days late (depending on which FF O date you believe) and decided we would test. I looked at the test and saw a shadow and was like, "no, it can't be". I brought it downstairs to Mr Man and just said "tell me i'm seeing things" He could see it too and when it got darker I freaked out and ran back upstairs to do another test. Same thing. Freaked out again and ran to the shops to buy another one. Yep, 2 lines each on 3 tests from 3 different makers.. Unfortunately as we are living in Taiwan I cant get a FR but still! A line is a line and wow! Add another test to the list this morning and we have quite a collection (and another 4 freshly bought tests in my bag! lol) Obsessed much? But after 2+ years, I just never even dared to allow myself to even consider that I could be. I honestly believed that HPT's were evil things that only ever had 1 line on them. I thought even if I did eventually get pregnant that I would one of those freaks that never ever gets a positive HPT. But, well, there you go, pigs really do fly sometimes afterall! So we are still more shocked than excited. I don't feel any different except my (0.0.)'s are huge and sooo sore, and my tummy feels bloated, or swollen maybe? And I'm still getting the occasional cramp like an O cramp down low on my left hand side. I'll go to the doctors next Thursday and see what the procedure is over here. Anyway, things we did different this cycle are: GLUTEN - I totally cut gluten out of my diet for 2 months. I'm not sure if this helped or not, but for the last couple of days I have started eating soy again (as I was sooo convinced AF was coming) and was up at 3am with weird tummy cramps.. So no more soy for me. EPO - This was our first cycle using EPO. As all of the other tests had come back clear I wondered if my CM wasn't healthy and gave it a try. IRON supplements - I have been feeling lethargic for a while so put myself on dissolvable iron tablets (like berocca) and had one a day since CD1. REIKI and positive reinforcement - As is typical, I get paid to do Reiki on others but never "have the time" to do it on myself. Since around O though I have been putting my hands on my belly in bed at night and saying "My body knows how to conceive and nurture a child". I don't know if it helped with conception, but it sure has helped me now. I feel so confident and trusting in the pregnancy and I truly believe this is the reason why. BIABP

lah lah lah

Nothing much to blog about but thought I would say hi!

I am not on CD11 of, I don't even know how many cycles! lol..

Oh well, just enjoying every day as it comes!

Test day.

So today, being the all auspicious Friday the 13th, is the day the doctor told us to come back for our test results.

After risking death by scooter, I arrived and found I was the first in the queue! I think they felt bad for me being surrounded by so many obviously pregnant ladies, so decided to rush me through first..
Anyway, test results are as follows:

AMH - 1.96   For my age, the healthy range is between 2.00 and 6.80 so it is on the lower level. I apparently have the ovarian reserve level of a 38 year old.. So not amazing, but also nothing to worry about just yet. I'm not likely to hit menopause next week..

HSG - My fallopian tubes are lovely and clear and my uterus is a very healthy shape aswell.

Mr Man's swimmers - He has MORE than enough swimmers!! They are quite motile and are pretty healthy.. The percentage of "normal sperm" is only 6% (10% + is preferred) but because of the sheer number of sperm he has, he is considered extremely ok.

So, hello again round 1! Fancy seeing you again!


So, in the eyes of the medical world, we are both considered "normal" and "fertile."
Which, of course is good news, but is still doesn't explain our obvious lack of child..

The doctor didn't really offer any advice as to what to do next.. He said I could go for an ultrasound on day 10 to assess when I would ovulate (to maximise our chances of catching the egg) and that he would put me on progesterone after ovulation to assist with implantation and lengthening of my LP.. But he didn't really seem too convinced the progesterone was really needed, and neither am I.
The only other real option he offered was: "If you want to have a baby soon, you can do IUI"..... I told him we weren't interested in IUI or IVF and he pretty much said that we just had to keep waiting then.. And that there was no reason why we wouldn't conceive on our own eventually...

eventually..


eventually..

You have to both love and hate that word don't you?

Talk about timing!

So, after having to abstain for nearly 2 weeks due to AF, SA and the HSG, I was hoping for some fireworks to cause a much anticipated meeting between sperm and egg this month..

I usually ovulate around day 13-14. On day 11 Mr Man decided it would be a good idea to move our beach bbq and then stand on the sand where the bbq was... An urgent trip to the emergency ward and a diagnosis of second degree burns to about 60% of his left foot pretty much killed that mood..
Day 12 Mr Man then woke up with the beginnings of Bronchitis which showed it's full colours on day 13.. He then kindly gave it to me yesterday - day 14.. Now it's day 15, i'm feeling terrible and my temps show I've already ovulated..

So another one bites the dust~~

Oh well! To be honest, both Mr Man and I are both pretty convinced it's not going to happen.. If it does, I think we will be more surprised and shocked than if we won the lotto!

HSG

So yesterday was the day my fallopian tubes went on show.

I was seriously nervous before it, but managed to get to the hospital safely, bought the "equipment" for the procedure (seriously!) then waited for my turn. I was the first one in, and as I was lying on the table, knees apart waiting, the doctor and nurse were having a fine old chat and laughing and joking about something, it was in Hakkanese so I couldn't understand it, and I just thought "I'm lying on a table in Taiwan naked, with my knees apart about to get a catheter in my uterus and the doctors are laughing... My life is never dull." And I had a chuckle to myself as I thought about how wonderful my life with Mr Man is and how, even though I was about to be stabbed in the uterus with a catheter, that I wouldn't change a thing. And I was happy.

And then the stabbing began and I wasn't so happy.

So I had heard that it was like a long papsmear. Well I'll agree the beginning of it was, and then it just really hurt.. I felt the catheter enter my uterus, and the die being injected, I felt the die moving through my fallopian tubes (I now know exactly where they are!) and it felt like everything was being burnt, but not in a seering pain way, more a sharp cramping way.. It's hard to explain. I guess it felt like really bad period pain?
After about 10 minutes of the table moving one way and the other, it was over and I was told everything was OK but that the doctor would have the full report in about a week.

I still felt in quite a lot of discomfort/pain so I decided to hang around the hospital for a bit, until I felt well enough to sit down on my scooter and drive to work. It was a pretty uncomfortable night at work, but today I'm feeling MUCH better! My uterus and I are both feeling relieved..

So I can check "blocked fallopian tubes" off from our list of possible reasons for our infertility!
Yay!

Wanting to not know.

Tomorrow is the day of my HCG..
When the doctor first referred me for it, I really didn't think much of it. I had read it could in some cases assist with fertility as it was thought to "clean out the pipes" a little, but that was all I knew.

Thanks to Dr google, I now know how painful it can be..
And to be honest, I'm really really dreading it..

I'm dreading it for 3 reasons..
Firstly, the hospital is in a really busy part of town and usually Mr Man will drive us there but he has to work. Which means that I get to tackle the craziness by myself, on my dodgy scooter that has a habit of stalling at really inconvenient times.. Oh, and I'm not exactly looking forward to riding to work on the bumpy roads after the test either..

Secondly, well, I'm a bit of a woos when it comes to pain. I've had loads of dye tests before for my heart and my vascular system and my eyes and well, most things, but the idea of someone putting a catheter into my lady bits is just not fun.. I've heard it kind of feels like a really long papsmear - which is great, except I HATE papsmears....

And Thirdly, well I just really hope everything is okay.. I really don't want blocked fallopian tubes.. I've looked into treatments (thanks again Dr Google) and they say it is repairable by operation.. Which I really don't want.. And that afterwards you have a seriously increased risk of ectopic pregnancy.. Oh yay..

I know there is no point worrying about something that is only speculation, but in a way, I just don't want to know.. But I do want to know why we are not pregnant yet. I just don't want to know that there is anything wrong. But if there is nothing wrong, then why are we taking so long? I want to know! But I really just don't want to know..

aha.. The conversations in my head are entertaining even for me..

Hello Mr Fertility Specialist.

So today was the day we finally bit the bullet and took ourselves off to the hospital.

We did try this once before, about a year ago when we were still living in Australia and were told to "stop wasting their time and come back if we were still baby-less after 3 years." I pushed the point that we were both well and truly in our 30's and managed to get a swimmer test done for Mr Man (which came back perfect although I doubt they ordered any in-depth tests) and so we walked away gutted and furious.

As we are coming up to our 2 year anniversary next month, we decided to get some tests done. We just want some answers.

Not really knowing where to go, we headed to the OB/GYN department of the local hospital here in Hsinchu and waited with all of the heavily pregnant women to see the doctor.
I explained that we had been trying for nearly 2 years and showed him my temp charts etc. He sent me for an ultrasound of my ovaries and uterus straight away which came back clear. YAY! No PCOS for me!

After seeing my ultrasound results, he promptly ordered a fresh semen sample from Mr Man to check for not only sperm quality, but quantity and motility; a blood test from me to test my hormone levels AND my ovarian reserve amount (apparently you can do this from just a blood test!?!); and an HSG test.

Literally, within 1 hour we had 4 tests booked in for within the next 2 weeks. Now that is Taiwan's efficiency at it's best! The only problem is that they can only do the HSG on a Tues or a Thu at 3pm (And I work both these days) so I will have to talk to my boss tomorrow and organise for the afternoon off (after 16 days off 2 weeks ago, i'm sure she will be thrilled!)

Total cost:  2640 NT (AU$80) for EVERYTHING! All tests, medicines for before the HSG and consultation!! I feel almost guilty that I have been able to organise this many tests so easily and quickly and that they cost less than 1 test would in Australia!!

Here's hoping all comes back okay, and that there is a simple reason for our lack of baby.

Pretty happy to have taken the first step to knowing more..
Just upset that I will have to take more time off work..

The joys of a normal cycle.

So, after having a mini freakout when I started to get AF like pains around day 21, here I am at day 26, period-less! YAY! This is literally the second cycle since we began Chinese Medicine 6 months ago that I have actually had a normal cycle!
I Ovulated on day 14, and so far have had a 12 day long Luteal Phase! Now that is pretty impressive in my books! So yay!

Maybe I spoke too soon? Maybe I should give Dr Sun another chance?

Now if I could only manage to have a 250 day cycle, I would be extremely grateful!

And no, even though technically AF is almost late, I am nowhere near confident that this our month. I had a temp dip this morning and have been feeling very much AF like all day. So I'm almost 1000% positive she will arrive tomorrow. But that is okay. It will take a while for these new vitamins we are both on to kick in, and well, I'm honestly just relieved to have finally had a semi-normal cycle again!!

Breaking up with the doctor?

So, after my stupidly short cycle again last month, I took a good look at my cycle data on FF yesterday and wow, low and behold, my cycle has actually gotten worse since starting with Dr Sun.
This is my 6th cycle, and even though I have seen some positives come from the treatment, there also seem to have been some very big negatives.

Positives
* My previously irregular ovulation has now stabilised to around CD14.
* My temps have stabilised (although this could also be because our daily routine has also stabilised...??)
* My period pain has improved

Negatives
* My LP hasn't improved. Previously average 11days. Last month 8 days...
* My actual cycle has shortened by about a week.. Before TCM I would very rarely get AF before CD26 - maybe once every 6 months it would come early.  After TCM my cycles have been: 30days, 25 days, 24 days, 25 days, 21 days and today CD22 I am feeling very PMS like.

So am I just replacing one problem with another?

Is there a point in continuing if my cycle is just going to get shorter and shorter??

Or does my body need to focus all of it's energy into healing one area before it can move onto the next, even if that means leaving other areas to suffer in the meantime?

Mr Man wants me to find a different TCM doctor and get a different opinion. TCM is just so cheap over here and as we would really like to try to remain as natural as we can..

Feeling slightly disheartened and lost as to what to try next..

gutted

Mr Man and I were both pretty upset to get AF.. We both wanted nothing more than to be able to announce our pregnancy to friends and family when we were back home, but alas, the baby gods had other ideas yet again..

We are both getting pretty over this rollercoaster and just want off. Whether that means we get to jump off it with a miniature sized third person, or whether that means we jump off it with our aunty and uncle pants on tight, to be honest, we are almost at the point of not caring anymore!

We just want off!!

We have decided to go to the hospital here in Taiwan and talk to someone. I'm not even sure who you talk to about things like this over here but I guess we will find out! I think it is time for some serious tests and answers.

Imagining the non-existent..

So obviously I'm not pregnant.

In actual fact, the only thing that all of those omens pointed to was a Big Frickin Poo..

I ended up getting AF on CD 21, after a mere 8day long LP.. So much for all the warnings and omens.
I ended up getting my shortest cycle ever!

So I officially refuse to ever believe in EPS or omens again..

I think I am entitled to say that after experiencing literally every EPS in the book (and a couple I probably created all by myself) during the last 23 months!

A parade of omens..

So, I am 6DPO at the moment, and although I am not one for EPS, or really, any positive thoughts about my cycle and chances of PG...
BUT, after Saturdays BFP omen-parade, this week the omens seem to be continuing.
I teach maths at a kindergarten and this week literally, atleast 1 student from each class, has atleast once a day come up and either rubbed my belly or made a comment about a baby to me.
Today little Darius (the youngest in the school -he is 2.5) came up and gave me a big hug and said "teacher baby!! I said "Yes Darius you are a baby!" He said, No, Darius not a baby, teacher baby!" I said, "I am not a baby!" He jumped out of my arms, grabbed my stomach and said "NO! Teacher baby!".. I was shocked to say the least..
All these omens...  It's just getting a bit beyond a joke to be honest.. It's happening with such frequency.. I really don't know what to make of them!!

As far as IPS (imaginary PG symptoms) go, I am absolutely exhausted yet I am sleeping really well. I wake up and am literally exhausted again.. I have had weird cramps, My (.)(.)'s swelled up massively yesterday and are ridiculously sore (they either get sore with O and stay that way until AF, or are fine until AF and are sore then - but never mid cycle), and the amount I am farting would make a grown man proud..
And the strangest thing of all, there is a little voice in my head that usually tells me I am being ridiculous - i'm not pregnant! Don't get your hopes up! But this month, that little voice is telling me to scream to the world that I am.. So who knows.

I know I am setting myself up for a massive emotional downfall when AF no doubt arrives again on the 29th, but I can't help it.. It's just strange. Especially considering I am only 6DPO and shouldn't even be having EPS for another couple of days yet...

An omen or a big fairy penguin?

SO! Poppy jumped on my lap this morning while I was typing and hit the keyboard with her paws..
The clever little girl typed         B    F      P !!
Seriously!! that's all she typed!

Then today I was shopping at the craft shop for stuff to make baby cards (for the 7 newborns we are visiting next week!) and picked up a handful of letters. Being the clutz that I am I dropped 3  - B, F and P.

Then tonight at the night markets I was waiting for Mr Man to get the scooter and poppy jumped on a different scooter (which she regularly does), I glanced at it while watching her and you guessed it, the license was - 212BFP (Feb 2012 maybe!?!?)

Of course all of this could mean nothing else except I really need to buy my Best Friend a Present. Or a Pizza.. Of maybe a Pineapple. I'm undecided yet.
Just thought I would share!

Needles in the belly

After having needles in my belly for the first time last week, followed by an amazingly pain-free period, I think Dr Sun may have finally found my sweet spot!
This week he again put them in my belly (with no pain at all this time!) and, although I did feel a little nauseous afterwards (apparently a sign that the blood is flowing and cleaning out the toxins), I feel great and have heaps of energy.
My temperatures are also still quite high (36.39C) compared to my normal pre-O temps of 36.19C so I am feeling pretty happy and confident!

The ultimate in tacky

Thanks to the convenience of the internet, there are some pretty tacky pregnancy announcements these days..
I'm sure you have all seen atleast 1 facebook announcement!?!

Well, I think I have seen the ultimate in tacky announcements.
A girl I used to know (but still am friends with on FB) changed her profile picture to a photo of her BFP!
Yep, 2 lines on a Pregnancy test..

What a way to announce it to the world..

wow.. oh wow..

(Obviously I'm just gutted she thought of it before me!! lol!!)

The restart button

I have restarted our TTC journey.

We have no longer been TTC for 21 months.

No, now we have only been trying for 4.

As the 2 year mark slowly approached, I could feel myself becoming more and more anxious, more and more negative, more and more jealous.

Until a friend kindly reminded me that my body before acupuncture was such a mess that it would have been a miracle to have conceived..

She is right.

I always thought my body was normal, and that the immense pain, vomiting and bleeding I had every month was what every woman went through.

It is only since I have started charting that I can truly see the difference in my body.

This month especially was my first NORMAL cycle!

Yep, I Ovulated on CD13, had a 13day Luteal Phase and my periods came spot on, on day 26! To be honest, if I hadn't have been watching my chart I would never have even known they were coming or even here. I didn't even have the slightest twinge of pain. Nothing at all. It was the strangest feeling to feel 100% period-free mid period!

So my body is definitely getting healthier. 

And ultimately, if I want a healthy baby, I have to provide it with a healthy environment in which to grow and live.

I feel like my body is finally getting ready!

Let's see what this cycle has install for us!

Almost a normal person!

So, it seems Dr Sun just got the last batch of herbs wrong..
The last batch of herbs had my temps going all over the place, and that combined with him being closed over Chinese New Years and not having enough herbs for the whole time, resulted in a very zigzaggy start to the cycle.
But, I am happy to say that Dr Sun is back and open again, and you can very visibly see when I started on this new batch of herbs! (CD21). My temps have stabilised again! Yay!

Now for the super exciting part!
I have FINALLY surpassed my normal 11 day Luteal Phase!! Yay!!
Today is CD25 and 13DPO!! 13 days!! That is amazing!
My normal cycle length is 26days, so if AF comes tomorrow it will mean an LP of 14 days!!

I am truly nearly a normal person!

I refuse to let my mind wander to the possibility of being pregnant..
I have no EPS, or even signs of AF really, apart from occasional strange cramps..
I am just focusing on regulating my cycle..
But.. if Af decides to stay away for the next 8 months, I won't complain!!

lol

Erratic cycles again...

So, it seems I just can't win.
The herbs either help my LP and instead I O ridiculously late..
Or, I O on time but have a ridiculously short LP..
Or, my temps are completely unstable..

Can I not just have 1 month when everything works!?!

I am CD 21, 9DPO today and my temps are just all over the place.. They are not as high as they normally are in my LP, and they just keep going up and down..

grrrrrrrr

www.fertilityfriend.com/home/387c91

Poppy the dinosaur - our Furbaby

I thought I would post some pics of our beautiful little furbaby.
Poppy was abandoned when she was 7months old, in a cage at a shelter. Within 6 hours she was with her first foster dad, who then passed her onto us. That was after we had been in Taiwan for less than 2 weeks!! At first we thought that fostering meant it was only for the short term, that soon she would have a permanent home to move to, but 4 months later, she is still with us, very much loved, very much spoilt and very much the cuddle princess!

We absolutely love her. She has brought alot of fun and smiles to us. But at the same time we are really worried for her future.
It is quite apparent that Taiwanese people are not the best petlovers.. Every day "old" and pre-loved pets are dumped at shelters while the "new" puppy is asleep in their handbag..
And we just don't want the same thing to happen to Poppy.

But we can't exactly keep her either. We are only planning to stay in Taiwan for maybe another year, and then putting our backpacks back on and heading to new horizons - not exactly feasible with a dog..

So the feelers are out - we are hoping to find her a loving home in either Japan or Australia, or of course Taiwan.  Apparently from Taiwan it is only 1 month quarantine for dogs to enter Australia (as opposed to the usual 4!!). She has had all her shots and has been desexed, so if we find her a home, it's all go really.

BUT, until then, she is very much our little baby and we love her!

Enjoy her adorable-ness!

Waiting - one of her many skills!

Passed out after her desexing...

The poser!

Asleep on the verandah in her dinosaur suit!

Play with me!

2012 - make or break..

After having amazing friends staying with us over Christmas and New Years and really not having much time to baby make, I wasn't really expecting miracles. However, I was hopeful that my cycle would continue on its pretty path.
In my beginning of December cycle, I finally had an LP of a semi-normal length! 13 days in fact! Yay!
Then the next cycle (last cycle) I ovulated like a normal person on CD13! I was sooo excited! And soo hopeful that the combination of my new found LP and my new found Ovulation timing would give me my first beautiful cycle! But, alas.. my body had other thoughts..

Even though I O'ed on CD13, AF arrived on CD24.. Yes ladies and gentleman, yet another 11 day LP...
I wonder if this has anything to do with 11 being my lucky number since childhood because it really is quite ridiculous how stubborn my LP is..

Anyway, i was absolutely gutted.. sooooo gutted.. I just want a normal cycle.
I just want to give my body a chance to conceive.. I am taking my herbs, i'm doing my acupuncture, i'm eating healthy, i'm not drinking, I don't smoke. I've started yoga again..
REALLY? WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?

Mr Man and I had a big chat about it, and we decided that if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be.
We have decided that we will continue to give the herbs and acupuncture a chance until April. (It will be 2 whole years of trying then.) If nothing by the end of April, we will go to the hospital and get some Fertility tests done.
If nothing by the end of December this year, we will call it quits and stop trying.
We will be happy that we have each other, and be grateful for the amazing life we live and we will surrender to our destinies as Aunty and Uncle, and we will dote on our nephews (and hopefully someday nieces!) even more than we already do.

It was a hard decision to make. It really was.
But, now that it has been made, I feel so calm about it.
I am so relieved.
And I am soooo grateful for my man. He really is just amazing.
I am sooooo lucky I have him in my life.

So 2012 it is - make it or break it!

Dear 2012,

I know we have just met, but so far, I really like you.
I really hope you like me too.
You know what would be fun?
It would be amazing if we could have a baby together!
You, me, and Mr Man of course.
Just the 3 of us!
Wouldn't that be amazing?
I know you would be good at it, I can just tell.
I hope you think the same of me.

Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you?
I am already seeing Dr Sun and being stabbed with needles every week.
And I have actually started to develop a taste for the herbs I am drinking too!
I have stopped drinking alcohol, and have started to make time to do yoga again.

I hope you are happy with our offer! We would really love you to be our best friend!
In return, I promise to be calm, happy, stress-free and loving, and to tell everyone just how wonderful you are. I also promise to accept the bad and not complain about it, and to focus on the good.
So if you would like to implant that little baby in me so it can start to grow, I should be ovulating in 2 or 3 more days.

Regards,
Babyinabackpack